7000 sales calls taught me these 5 lessons no sales trainer talks about

I've taken over 7,000 high ticket sales calls and closed $9M+ in sales over the past four years. That took me from living with my dad in a trailer in Kansas to a luxury two bedroom in Miami. I also spent about $50,000 on sales training along the way, and I'll be honest, most of it was basic. Here are the five things that actually moved my needle, the stuff I never hear other trainers teach.

Listen to how they describe things

Most reps think selling is about talking. It's not. The way a prospect talks to you is the way they talk to themselves.

"People think by talking. The way the prospect talks to you is the way that they talk to themselves."

You need to train your ear. Pick up their exact words, their adjectives, how they describe things positively and negatively. Then use those same words back in your questions.

Why does this matter so much? Two reasons.

• People trust people who are like them. We're tribal. Talk like someone and you're in their tribe.
• If you use your own words instead of theirs, you create a disconnect and you'll get push back.

Say a prospect tells you their leads are "inconsistent." Don't ask "why isn't it enough" or "why can't it help you scale." They never said that. Ask "what do you feel like is missing with the current way you're generating leads that's causing things to be inconsistent." Same meaning, their words. Way less push back.

Find what they're actually running toward

This is where newer reps get stuck. They can't uncover someone's real driver because the pain isn't always obvious.

Think about Maslow's hierarchy. At the bottom, pain is loud and obvious. Food, safety, money for rent. As you move up into esteem and self actualization, the pain gets quiet. Just because someone isn't worried about being homeless doesn't mean they're pain free. It means you haven't found it yet.

If someone's driver is proving people wrong and building confidence, don't ask "what happens if you're out on the street." Ask "what happens if you don't prove everyone else wrong and you're still exactly where you're at." That question hits because it's talking to their actual motivation, not the motivation that's easier for you to talk about.

"You don't attribute to them problems that you're more comfortable having a conversation about, but it's not their real problem."

Catch what's holding them back before it becomes an objection

People will tell you their exact objection way before the end of the call, if you're listening. We're all patterns. We all tell ourselves stories about why we're not where we want to be.

Four language patterns to watch for:

• Wishful language. "It would be nice." "I would like to." No real drive behind it.
• Ambiguous language. "Probably." "I think." "Maybe." They're leaving themselves an out.
• Emotional out language. "It's not that bad." "I'll get there." They're giving themselves a fake reason not to change.
• External language. "It's the economy." "I don't have the time." Blaming something you can't fix.

The longer these patterns sit uncorrected, the more confident someone gets using them. So catch it early.

For wishful language, the light touch works great early on. If someone says "it'd be nice to make 20k a month," say with a smile, "yeah, it'd be nice if I was at the beach right now. Tell me what you need to get to." It's cheeky, it's not confrontational, and they usually correct themselves.

If it keeps showing up, go harder. I'll ask, "do you know the difference between a want and a need?" Doesn't matter what they answer. I keep going: "a want is if it's convenient I'll do it. Is getting to 20k a month supposed to be convenient?" Nobody says yes. Then, "a need is I'll do whatever it takes. Would you be willing to change that one into a need?" You'll get a yes almost every time.

For ambiguous language, just repeat it back in a curious tone. "You think?" They'll either fix their language or tell you the real concern.

For emotional out language, like "it's not that bad," ask "do you think that might be part of the problem?" Then hit them with a reframe.

"If you're in the Super Bowl and one of your teammates didn't care if you won or lost, would you want him as your teammate? Why not? Because there's no real emotion driving him forward."

Then re-ask the original question. You'll get the real answer this time.

For external language, like blaming the economy, use a comparative frame. "We work with a lot of agents in tough markets who've grown over the past couple years. So what do you feel like you might be missing in how you're generating or nurturing leads?" You just took away their excuse.

One more thing on this section. Don't assume people's goals are obvious. Less than 10% of people ever start a business. So when someone tells you they want to hit 150k a month, ask why that number. I had a client selling lead gen whose prospect said exactly that, and when pushed on it, the real answer was "more revenue means I can hire people and get my time back." That's the real gap. Time, not revenue. That's where you dig.

Build a frame nobody can break

A frame is just how you see the world. Expectations, beliefs, perceptions, definitions. When two people talk, whoever has the stronger frame controls the meaning of the conversation.

A type personalities will try to take your frame. They're used to having the stronger one. Your job is to make yours unbreakable.

Break their expectation first. If you sound like every other rep who opens with "where are you calling from," their brain shortcuts the whole call. They already know how it ends. Don't let them autopilot you.

Look like an authority. People buy from authority, and they judge a book by its cover whether that's fair or not. Nice background, decent camera, dress the part.

If someone tries to fake expertise on you, ask questions that expose the gaps. Their frame collapses into yours.

"We're elite at sales and I can help anyone I get on a call with. If we truly build this perception up, it should be unbreakable."

Frame control isn't domination. It's composure. Nothing is ever a problem. When someone challenges you directly, like "why should I work with you," don't defend. Break the expectation instead.

"To be frank man, I'm not even sure you should. What we do is fairly custom, it doesn't work for everyone. So I'd really need to understand what you're even looking for first."

That's the father, big brother frame. Mature, composed, you lift people up, but you don't accept their excuses either.

Certainty is a cheat code here. If you speak and act with certainty, people's brains assume you've done this a thousand times and gotten good reactions, even if your last call was a disaster. They only know how this call is going.

Watch your perception, not just your technique

People can feel intent. If a prospect sees you as "a salesperson," everything you say gets filtered as manipulation. If you ever hear "wow, you're really good at sales," that's a red flag, not a compliment.

"If their perception of you is negative, you're not giving them any value. If their perception of you is positive, you give them the value, even saying the exact same thing."

Sprinkle in statements that remind them you're there to help. Not every sentence, that turns into a tactic. Things like "I get where you're coming from," "I've been in your shoes," "I appreciate you being real." Use them when it fits, not on a script.

Master your own state before you try to shift theirs

Sales is the business of moving someone from non buyer to buyer. That's just shifting their state. State is made of three things: physiology, focus, and language.

Watch your mental diet. Everything you consume affects you. If you're deep in politics and Twitter all day, you won't show up the same on calls. Feed your focus on things that move you forward.

Keep your physiology simple. Be active, eat clean, get sun, get sleep.

"If you do this you'll be ahead of 90% of people. It's stupid simple. Not easy, but simple."

Watch the language you use on yourself. I had a rep on a one on one this week who told me he "sucks" at sales. Dude is in his second month and already making 10k a month. That's not sucking, that's early. But if you tell yourself you suck, it shows up in your confidence on every call.

"You got to be careful of the language you use on yourself, because that stuff seeps into your subconscious and shows up in ways you're not going to like."

True story on me. I used to tell myself I had a bad memory constantly. I'd lose my keys, my wallet, even left my wallet on a plane once. I read that the number one memory hack is just telling yourself you have a good memory. Nothing else changed. I just stopped saying the bad thing. I don't lose stuff anymore.

On mentality for the call itself, remember someone booked that call for a reason. If they leave with the same problem they came in with, you did them a disservice.

"You got two options if you're going to hop off a call. Number one, you buy and you change. Number two, you leave emotionally fucked up. There is no other option, and I mean that."

Tonality follows state. If you're genuinely curious, you'll sound curious. If you're genuinely concerned, you'll sound concerned. Stop trying to fake a tone and start actually getting into the emotion that part of the call needs.

The bottom line

None of this is a script you memorize. It's attention. Listen to their words, find their real driver, catch the patterns holding them back, hold your frame, watch how they see you, and manage your own state before you try to manage theirs.

I didn't learn this from the $50k of training I bought. I learned it from 7,000 calls and paying attention to what actually worked. Go put it to use on your next call.